Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
