You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
