I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
