i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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