he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
