there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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