One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
