I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize