I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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