He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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