You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
