Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
