i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
