The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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