there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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