are you so shy because you have an std?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
