Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
