I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
