Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
