not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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