Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
