If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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