Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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