Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
