Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love having hate sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
