i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
