Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
