Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
