i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
