the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
