It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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