just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
