I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
