I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
