Already got asked if we're dating
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
