He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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