If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
