saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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