can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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