im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
