Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
