Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
