I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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