I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
