Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
