He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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