I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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