If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why do cheetos always look like penises
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
