my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
