if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
