Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
