I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
