She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
