Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
